rEflEctions.. =]

i wAs lo0king through my mem0ry b0x,...anD sAw a l0t of thinGs thAt brinG bAck memories tHat i hAve forgotten or i hAve chosen t0 f0rget...lettErs..cAndy or cHocolate wrappErs..pictUres....all tHe mem0ries swept fAst...and fEelings agAin stirrEd up...i sAw my first year hiGhschool pictUre..i wAs sUper skinny bAck then...with my cUrly hAir always don with a simPle ponytAil...i nEver cAred how i look..as long as i comb my hAir..i'm satisfied..

i remEmber dUring my freshman year..i was an officEr of the class..tHe secretAry to be exAct..sinCe gradeschool i alwAys wAnted to be nominAted aNd elEcted as an oFficer...i alwAys wAnted to lEad pe0ple..bUt an incident chAnged tHat feelinG...sinCe i wAs tHe secretary of tHe clAss i fElt vEry responsible t0 the p0int thAt i wAs doing tHe task of thE prSident and treasurer...aNd tHat wAs my mistake...I WAS ACCUSED OF BEING A CORRUPT...bEcaUse of our clAss fUnds...aNd tHat wAs my first hUrtfUl feEling of REJECTION...i wAs sh0cked f0r thRee dAys...i wAs givEn thRee dAys to explAin myself f0r thRee dAys...i wAs thAnkfUl thAt my sister wAs thEre t0 help me oUt...sHe computed all te receipts i hAve kEpt...sHe wAs evEn tHe onE wh0 explAined infr0nt of tHe clAss...it cAme oUt thAt thE clAss wAs tHe one wh0 wAs resp0nsible of the sHortAge of tHe fUnds...it wAs a rElief..

tHen i sAw a pictUre of my f0rmer bArkada..we cAlled oUr groUp.."chattErs.moc"...
wE were tHe gr0up who usUally hAng oUt at c0mpUter sHops,chAttinG aNd arCades...tHe typicAl tEenagers wHo alwAys wAnts fUn...bUt hOnestly it wAs n0 fUn at all....becAuse tHis wAs my SECOND EXPERIENCE OF REJECTION...tHe leAder of oUr gr0up wAs bEing coUrted by my gUy friEnd...he woUld usUally go witH us every lUnch timE...aNd becaUse he wAs my bEstfriEnd..hE woUld uUally tAlk t0 me aNd ask aboUt my "girlfRiEnd"....aNd ihelp him out...tHat mAde my "girlfriEnd" jealous 0f mE...at first i wAs n0t awAre oF it...bUt litTle by liTtle i fElt it..evEn thouGh sHe didn't sAy aNytHinG aboUt it..tHAt ealoUsy wEnt dEep...tHe wHole groUp wOuld tAlk aGainst my bAck...i stArted t0 ignore my gUy friEnd tHinkinG it w0uld bE tHe best s0lution...bUt it jUst Ot wOrse...i fElt dEsperAtely bAd abOut whAt wAs hAppEninG...until i reAlized tHe riGht tHing t0 do is leAve tHe grOup...tHankfUlly tHere were sOme classmatEs wHo wAs tHere to lEan on...aNd eventUally tHey becAme my close frieNds sinCe thEn,..i'm s) blEssed to hAve tHem....bEcaUse of tHe hUrtfUl exPeriEnce...i alSo get al0ng witH friEnds fr0m a religioUs orgAnization fr0m scHool...tHey invitEd me t0 atTend fEllowsHips anD services in tHe cHurch... evEntUally i wAs borN aGain...i fElt rEvivEd agAin..aNd my PASSION TO SERVE GOD stArtEd...i stArted as a OPL opErator...evEntuAlly becAme a bAck-up sinGer f0r thE Minstrel(singing ministRy).....pErsEcutions wAs tHere...my pArents woUld oppOse mE going tO cHurch...it eVen cAme to tHe pOint thAt thEy woUld nOt givE me my weEkly all0wance...i wAs evEn brAndEd by my fAthEr aS tHe "blacksHeep" of tHe fAMily...i wAs tHinkinG of rUnninG awAy...bUt my lEadErs advisEd mE tO tALk tO tHem..anD i fOllowed tHeir advicE...bUt it was uSeless...

iT wAs my jUnior yEar thEn..my nEw fAith wAs opPosed by my rElatives...tHis wAs wHen i fElt sO rEjEctEd anD hUrt...i thOught tHey woUld undErstand mE..bEcaUse tHey wEre my fAmily..tHe frUstration oF bEing accepted wAs tHe rEsUlt of hAving an anOrexia fOr fOur mOnThs...eAtinG onLy crAckers...i wOuld loOse handfUl stRands of my hAir...mAybE i wAs jUst so frUstateD feEl accEptEd and loVe by tHe peOple arOund me..espEcially my fAmily...

sEnior yEar hAs cOme...i usUally hAng oUt witH my gUy friEnds anD clAssmAtes...i fEll fOr a gUy..my gUy bEstfriEnd...bUt i didn't let him knOw abOut it...it wAs one sEcret i cOuld nevEr dAre tO tell him...i wOuld usUAlly fEEl hUrt sEcretly evErytimE he talks to othEr girls...bUt i reAlized tO kill tHe fEeling becaUse i knOw it woUld dstroy ouR friEndsHip....i hAve tO move on..mOnths aftEr i beCame A wOrship leAder in tHe sinGinG minisTry...mANy gUYs woUld cOme and go..bUt i woUld jUst ignore thEm,,.i wAs so dEvotEd tO my ministry.i wAS bUsy fOr God..i lOve sErVing Him...

uNtil onEday.....